Once, I was out with my mother. We were shopping for “whatever”. I was a teenager. That should be enough said to consider how this unfolded. My mother said she couldn’t find the “whatever”. Breathe. I said, “Umm Mom, here’s an idea. Do you know they hire people to work in the store? Why not ask one of them? We will probably be done much faster.” Needless to say, that was not well received. Tone, inflection, message and the sarcasm was maybe, just a little bit outside. And yet it was what I wanted say, just not filtered properly.
How many of times have you as manager been in a situation and wanted to tell Skippy that you very much wanted to punch him in the face and yet HR frowns upon the ‘punching in the face thing’?
I am going to enjoy this post. Here’s why…it is about what we all know what we want to say and yet we know we cannot. So in a way this represents a catharsis moment. A release post. We want to state “x” and we have to yield to “Y” and yet “x” is what is driving our emotion. Listen guys, I get it. It is like being in a movie. The scene is you sitting at a table facing Skippy, your sales rep who is poorly performing and you are going to miss your bonus primarily because of his inability to sell ANYTHING. Then you get two figures popping up on your shoulders. The little proverbial “devil” on the one side says “Can you believe this guy? He is sucking your will live. Fire this (expletive) guy! He deserves nothing from you. Just punch him.” And the other little proverbial “angel” on the other side says “He is having a tough time. You can fix him. He deserves your leadership right now. He is so worth it.” Well, life is not a movie. But the devil and angel will always play a part in how you manage and lead others.
We have all been there and in all types of situations (not just retail)…someone has let us down and we are emotionally charged. We want to let them to have it. Whatever “it” is and that is an intentional word choice. What is the “it”? OK, this is the message.
What caused “it”? I want you to be very real right now. What happened to put you into this place where even the thought of “punching” is even a remote option? So consider this…
There are four reasons why someone doesn’t perform to standard or doesn’t do what is expected:
- They don’t know how. Training has not been provided to the extent that someone can perform to standard.
- They can’t. Something is blocking the way. There may be something that presents itself as an obstacle to performing to standard. BTW, maybe something outside of work.
- They are not there yet. Habit only comes into play after a period of time with a consistent and ongoing coaching and development platform. Maybe I started a week ago…”Not there yet boss. What exactly AM I not doing yet?”
- They don’t want to. This is not skill. The other three are. This is willingness. Or rather a lack of willingness.
I know you want to say “Blah, Blah, Blah, Terrible, Blah, No, Blah, You Suck, Blah, Fired NOW.” Been there, did that and regretted it.
What does the situation and history tell you?
What is the need of the individual team member?
What will move the situation in a fair and equitable fashion?
When does a solution need to be made and to what extent?
Who needs to win or lose or share this or that or needs to experience collaboration?
One size does not fit all. And sometimes it can be semantics. I was working with a client. We were having a curriculum review meeting with HR on a management training program. Michelle (and I will remember her forever), the HR specialist stated that we could not use the word “consequence” in the training. I’m sorry, what did you just say? I will also never forget my jaw in its open and disbelieving gesture. So some time went on and it came up again, and I said (My colleague said it was one of the most amazing moments in her life), “OK, pretend I am six years old and say again why that is?” In retrospect, maybe not the best thing to say. She did answer and I am positive I made my point that the word “consequence” is not only part of our language lexicon, but also a neutral word…not just negative. I could have said it better. I was emotionally charged. Learn from my mistake. Sorry Michelle.
Cheers