Welcome to part five. The first thing I must say is, just how many of these are we having? Communication is so vast, if we were in part fifty three, we would still be only scratching the surface. So I will tag there will be no more than ten. There are other topics needing a bit of a chat.
So what is this message all about? The message. There is an old saying, “don’t shoot the messenger.” Or is it don’t kill them, or is it don’t hate them or treat them unkindly with an irritated facial gesture. We all have a message; some type of story to tell. It could be something we initiated or perhaps it was given to us to tell someone else. Our job is to convey a message of some sort at some time with some group of people. Does the message resonate or fall flat?
I instruct trainers and speakers. I do my very best to share with them what makes a compelling message and what influences retention. The first thing I share is in the form of a question: “what is the point?” If that is not clear, especially in the first moment or two, you risk someone turning off and tuning out. I think about one of my favorite movies, Planes, Trains and Automobiles. There is a moment when Steve Martin’s character is laying into John Candy’s character – Dell Griffith. It is the hotel scene when they have been stranded in Kansas? He says as I paraphrase, “You know Dell, when you tell a story, have a point. It is so much better for the listener.” I love that absolutely meaningful bit of advice. Have you ever been in a meeting or at a workshop and asked yourself or others, “What exactly was the point?”
It makes me wonder and should you, at what point does the message change? Pay attention here, this is a big question. The message must change. It needs to go from your understanding and belief structure into someone else’s. The reality is the message doesn’t change its construct – the message is the message. What does need to change is how someone embraces the message. Do they buy into it? Does it make sense? Is it relevant?
Here is where the inevitable and ubiquitous Filter and Context show up. Yep, they matter yet again (actually they never not matter – sorry for the grammar). Put it into this hypothetical perspective. You are manager and you have a team of five people. You have been told you must implement a new sales process. Filter shows up. Each one of the team members has a different filter. One is new to sales and another has been selling forever. Then add your filter. How many is that? Now context. Change a sales process? “But we are used to the last one.” “How long will this one last?” Have you been there? You have a message to give and the team doesn’t know what you know. You have to prepare for the response to the message.
On a side note, ladies, when did “Honey I will be a little late” turn into “You don’t love me anymore!” “What? What memo was that one, cuz that is not what I said?” Is it the message or the messenger? Not sure, eh? Is it filter and context? You better believe it. I have never had this exact conversation with my wife, but I have had conversations where my message wasn’t what the other party heard. They heard what they wanted. Was it the delivery? Was it the words? Was it a lack of aligning the message with how the message would impact the one receiving the message (that is the relevance part)?
Here are my tips for this post. Going back to our hypothetical situation, have a meeting with your team of five and share the message in four parts: what, why, how and to what extent (more on this in another post). Be very clear about each part. This is the collective message. Then part two is separate one-on-one meetings with each individual team member. Be very clear how this change in the sales process will factor with their relative reality. Share how each one can have a place and impact on the new change. This again reinforces individual relevance. Each of these efforts help with a consistent and holistic understanding of the message.
When I worked for a very large fashion company (you would know them). I was with my peers in a session where the president of the menswear division said “Kurt Reinhart gets it.” Huh? I’m sorry, was I just acknowledged by the president in a setting of peers, big wigs and notables? Can you spell that was flipping cool? Then as I basked in my radiant glory, it suddenly struck, “What exactly do I get?” The message was lost. Its meaning changed and I was lost and out of the moment. By the way, I subsequently figured it out. My hope is you see that without the “what, why, how and to what extent”, you risk being misunderstood. You risk dis-engagement and someone struggling with the meaning of “it”.
We all have a story to tell. What is the point?
Cheers